Wendy in a critical state

I visited Wendy today, and it really breaks my heart to see her in this state.  Dr Edmund says no other dog would have gone this far as their rescuers would have had them put down before a distemper dog reaches this stage. 

I asked if there was anything at all that we haven’t tried and could still try, but Dr Edmund says there is nothing more.  We have tried everything, exhausting all avenues, from western medicine to spiritual medicine. 

This morning, I told Dr Edmund to put her on painkillers, with the hope that that will relieve some of her pain.

I have engaged Trevor to give her a reiki session right now, and will discuss with him after the session on what is best for Wendy. 

If we have to make that painful decision, it would have to be our joint decision.  Dr Edmund strongly suggests that we let her go so that she will not suffer anymore. 

I’ve never ever had to make this decision all my life. 

I’ve told Wendy, before I left today, that she knows what is best for herself, and she is free to decide what she wants.  Whatever she decides, we will respect her decision. 

It is so difficult, and I am so mentally-drained right now and too tired to drive there to join Trevor in his reiki session for Wendy. 

I still have those six kittens to handle, and they are also precious lives that need to be saved. 

When Mac was dying, I asked Dr Susanna if she could help relieve his pain in any way, and she said acupuncture can, in a way, give the animal back some energy and they can consciously decide on when they want to go.  I had scheduled acupuncture for Mac, but he passed on one day before.  He finished the remnants of his can of AD the night before, and passed away peacefully in the morning. 

Wendy comes across to me as a strong-willed dog.  I would think she has the mental will to make a choice, yet, she is still unwilling to let go, for reasons unknown to us.  I’ve asked Dr Edmund if there is even a tiny glimmer of hope that she would recover, and Dr Edmund said a definite no.  And the saddest thing is that western medicine has not figured out a way to relieve the neurological signs.  There is simply nothing we can do at all. 

A kind lady has just sourced the internet and sent me a chinese remedy for distemper, but Wendy is refusing to even open her mouth, so there is no chance we can feed her any concoction.  We can’t even syringe in any water, let alone pry open her mouth.  It’s strange, in a way, that she is supposed to be “weak”, but still has the physical strength to close her mouth tightly. 

Trevor just called me.  He is there with Wendy now.  He feels Wendy does not want to be in this dog body anymore, yet she hasn’t quite decided what she wants, and that is precisely why she is still not willing to let go.  I’ve asked Trevor to convey to Wendy that we will respect whatever decision she makes.   

This week she has really taken a turn for the worst.  The moment an animal stops eating, it is the first sign that the animal has given up.  Yet, some animals bounce back, and that was what I was hoping to see in Wendy’s case.  

We have often discussed this issue of euthanasia for animals.  Euthanasia out of convenience, is, of course, not encouraged at all.  Euthanasia of a sick animal when there is possible treatment and a chance of recovery, is also not encouraged.  But euthanasia when all avenues of treatment have been exhausted, and when you have tried everything possible, and the animal is suffering – is that right or wrong? 

I guess there is no right and wrong in this, but only the “best possible choice”, made on a clear conscience. 

But the question that begs an answer now is this:  Whose pain are we alleviating – the animal’s or ours? 

Many people feel that euthanasia out of compassion is right.  But here’s the catch – compassion for whom?  The animal or ourselves? 

Are we ending her suffering so that we will no longer be in pain, or so that she will no longer be in pain?  Who are we taking care of – our pain or hers?  Nobody would know the answer to this except ourselves.  Nobody can judge us because only we know the intentions and motivation behind every action.   

Last night, I was looking at the photos of our big rescue operation on 15th Dec, 2009. 

I found this photo – it’s one of Wendy and me. 

I never knew when I carried this lovely dog in my arms, that we would have this “relationship” that demands such strength and mental endurance on us both.  Wendy and I must have a karmic link so strong that we meet again in this lifetime, and we have now come to a crossroads which, I hope, will make us grow stronger in facing the reality of life.    

3 comments to Wendy in a critical state

  • Lois Lane

    She looked so much healthier in this photo. I actually cried when I saw this.

    I hope Wendy gets well, either here or in afterlife. She's a silent fighter.

  • Anonymous

    This is one precious photo and treasured experience for you, dear KY. I think sitting down with your eyes closed and thinking back to re-live this significant happy and joyous moment when you had lovingly carried a fitter, healthier and heavier Wendy all the way from your car into the enclosure at LLLF will very much soothe your aching heart and mind.

    Put down your glass, KY, sit and think back to that special moment and channel those happy thoughts and feelings to Wendy right now.

    Best wishes always,
    Your friend.

  • Anonymous

    Wendy darling, do you remember this wonderful and special moment when Mama KY carried you so lovingly like a precious baby?

    KY, this pic brings such joy to our hearts.

    Suki is AnimalCare's kitty mascot … Wendy is your doggie mascot, an icon whose strength and tenacity against all odds is indeed astounding!