The empty house

It felt so, so empty this morning.

The intense sadness and void are setting in.

There was no Daffi on the bed, in the room or at the foot of the stairs to greet us when we came downstairs. There is no Bioresis capsules to be filled (I always filled the capsules fresh for her every morning). No cleaning session. No pilling session. No special feeding session of mixing various foods to entice Daffi to eat.

No Daffodil to take care of anymore.

I felt so, so sad, and I miss her so, so much.

I gave the special food which I had cooked on Sunday for Daffi, to the rest of the cats, more to Ginger.

Ginger came mewing yesterday evening. I spent some time with him to reassure him. Now, he would have to learn to groom himself. Daffodil had been grooming him for 7 years.

Cats grieve in their own ways – that much we know. I hope we can help Ginger go through this period with sufficient reassurance that all would be well for him. I am sure he misses Daffodil too.

I read from somewhere recently that cats do not know what death is. When it is almost time to go, they would feel tired (maybe weak), and they would just want to rest. That is why they normally go somewhere to hide and be alone – to rest. And they sleep off. That is how they go peacefully.

But how do other cats perceive the death of another cat? The literature tells us that cats do grieve as well. I suppose they will miss the presence of their beloved. That being the case and if that is how much we know, we’ll have to try and help them during this period.

Ginger came upstairs this morning and jumped on the bed. He just stayed for awhile.

We’ll spend more time with him.

Yesterday, we removed and washed the many, many pieces of sheets and blankets all over the living room. Daffodil always wanted everything to be clean. For months, we placed sheets over the living room chairs because of the stains from her tumour when she sat. She wanted all the sheets to be super clean before she’d sit on them, so these sheets were cleaned and replaced regularly, sometimes even a few times a day. Now, there is no sheet to be placed over the chairs anymore. It’s sad. I’ve never minded doing all these for Daffi. It was never ever perceived as a chore at all. All the extras that we did for her, we did it with love and care.

I kept Daffodil’s four little tshirts yesterday. Those are the four little tshirts I had altered from Tiger’s, for Daffi. It was to cover her tumour after the molasses+sodium bicarb paste was applied on the tumour. Tiny little tshirts for little Daffi.

This is Daffodil’s last house. She loved to sit inside small boxes. After the boxes were stained, we tried placing a piece of cardboard as the base, but she didn’t like it, so I had to give her a new box. This is her last box. I haven’t removed it yet.

“Last” sounds so final. And yet, it’s final.

The 4-5 stages of grieving culminates with “acceptance”. But that takes time.

We all need time to grieve.

When death happens, we muster all our strength and do what needs to be done. Then, when the last rites are over, that is when it sinks in. That’s when grieving really starts.

I had just opened a new sachet of Bioresis a few days ago. This morning, I poured out the remaining powder, mixed it in water and took it myself. I had been battling with an impending cold for many weeks now and felt really sick last night, so maybe it would help me. Daffodil would have liked that, I think. There are also many Danzen (papase enzyme) tablets left. That was for Daffodil too – it’s an anti-inflammatory. I’m going to take that. Hopefully it would help with my ongoing osteoarthritic knee.

It’s time to go to work now.

Thank you very much, dear friends, for your many messages of condolences and support, here in the blog, on Facebook and also through Whatsapp.

7 comments to The empty house

  • Meow Meow

    I too lost the mommy cat for my cats beginning of the year. She was also a very loving mother. I could uttered a word and swallowed all the sadness at that time. You can take your time to grieve … Recently I read someone posted about her passes on cat and she mentioned , “my cat has paid up all her debt as a cat. Wishing her to have a better rebirth”. I find this quite comforting. Hope it can make you feel better.

  • Yoke Mei

    Take care and take comfort that Daffi is in a better place & she’ll always have a special place in your heart…

  • Jiawen

    So sorry for your loss. Daffi has lived a good life.

  • Wee

    Dr Chan. You must take care. Shed tears reading of Daffi departure… No words could comfort your heart. Please know you are the best parent any pet could ever wish for. Ever.

  • chankahyein

    Thank you very much, dear friends. Coping…

  • jasmine

    Please take care Sis. Kah Yein, I am sorry for your loss.