Cow Mau, calm and at peace

I got up at 3.25am this morning to check on Cow Mau.

Yesterday, after being on the oxygen, I think he felt better and he got up and walked to the garden to sit in his favourite spot.

Whenever he was in the room, I did my best to follow him around with the nasal cannula that is dispensing the oxygen. The machines makes a sort of “white noise” which I think could be comforting too.

The last time I checked last night, Cow Mau was sitting in his favourite spot in the garden, so I let him be. I was also way too exhausted by then.

This morning, I got up, checked at his favourite spot and he wasn’t there. I peeped into the bed I had prepared for him in the room and he also wasn’t there. Then I found him, lying in a lateral position near the oxygen concentrator. He lifted his head up when he sensed me looking.

Ah, hi Cow!

I started the oxygen again and placed the nasal cannula as close as possible to his nose. That’s what the vet taught me.

I also gave Cow Mau the Furosemide injection. It is to help clear fluids in his pericardium (around the heart), pleural space (around the lungs) and inside the lungs, if there’s any. I think these are the three areas the vet mentioned. The wonders of modern medicine, truly.

Furosemide is a loop diuretic that has been in use for decades. The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved furosemide to treat conditions with volume overload and edema secondary to congestive heart failure exacerbation, liver failure, or renal failure, including the nephrotic syndrome.

Cow Mau allowed me to give him the subcut injection and also the transdermal Gabapentin and Tramadol (sedative and painkiller), but he absolutely did not want me wetting his lips with a cotton pad at all. He objected to this almost violently. The vet did say yesterday that if he doesn’t want anymore liquid food, I should not give anymore. We have to respect what Cow Mau wants or doesn’t want, which I agree even though we think it’s “good” for him. We are also stopping the subcut now that there was fluid accumulation yesterday. The fluid accumulation is due to his failing heart.

Yesterday in our visit, the vet did ask me if I was prepared. I said I was. But then again, I believe we can never be 100% prepared enough. We try to be as strong and as calm as we can be, we try to comfort ourselves that their suffering is over, but we will still feel very sad. That’s just us being human. I went to kitchen to cry a few times on my own, not in front of Cow Mau. I have to be strong for him. I have to tell him it is okay to go and I will look after myself. Cow Mau have always looked after me. He is an empath. He is always the first to sense the tiniest bit of sadness in me and he would comfort me. He’s absolutely the most perceptive “person” I’ve ever met.

I told the vet that Cow Mau was already laterally recumbent and not moving yesterday morning for a full 4.5 hours and all of his four paws were also cold, I thought that was it, but then, he got up after that, and walked around all over, which was so unexpected, the vet asked Cow Mau if there’s anything else he “still needed to be done”.

I am very, very thankful for such a compassionate vet. She also told me to play him soothing music or if there’s any religion I adhere to, I could play religious music too.

We seldom encounter vets who are holistic in their treatment protocol.

I am very thankful.

Since we are new at this clinic, the vet also asked if I always palliatively care of our animals until the very end. I said I do and she asked me how many I’ve given palliative care to, off-hand, I just couldn’t remember. There had been so many, hasn’t it? There’s Puffin, Remirth, Mac, Bobby, Vixey, Tiger, Daffodil, Rosie, Vincent, Mr Zurik, Pole, Bunny, Hiro, Cleo.

Then there are those whom we lost through accidents too.

Such is our imperfect life on earth. No one escapes aging and death.

We can only make it a little more comfortable for them when it is time to go.


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